Childfree by choice = unforgiven act ?...

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Childfree by choice = unforgiven act ?...

Post  Cluelesskitty on Wed 27 Apr 2011, 9:19 pm

I recently came upon an interview with an American writer Emily Giffin ("Something borrowed", "Baby Proof")
where in relation to her book Baby Proof it was said that majority of Americans feel that

- a woman who chooses not to have a children is selfish, and her actions are unforgivable.

Excuse me, selfish? worse- UNFORGIVABLE? Heck, no, I disagree.

BTW, in the interview it wasn't said at all
what are the source of such statistic, so I can't vouch they are even true.

Personally I find it hard to believe that a woman can be condemned on the spot as "selfish" and unforgivable"
just because she does not have the maternal instincts as most women do.

True, for most women having children, just one even, is one of the most if not THE most important mission in life.
But hey, what is so hard to understand that some out there simply don't share this particular trait?

Is it indeed so horrible thing to do - declare "I don't want any children, ever?"
And how does that relay into relationship, marriage?
Should your loving partner understand that you don't wish to have a baby?
Mind you, he married you for YOU
not the procreation, so don't you have a rights to change your mind halfway, though?


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Re: Childfree by choice = unforgiven act ?...

Post  milo on Wed 27 Apr 2011, 10:27 pm

...or she married you...lol

I'm very happy these days to be able to say without telling a lie that "I can't have kids". It's been tough trying to explain things to people as the years have gone by, but now I finally can just say that.

I grew up very religious, and my closest cousin is actually called a "sinner" by her family because she and her boyfriend have chosen to not have kids. She gets told all the time that it is a woman's job to provide a man with children and that it is a sin in the eyes of God not to do so.
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Re: Childfree by choice = unforgiven act ?...

Post  Cluelesskitty on Thu 28 Apr 2011, 12:29 am

She gets told all the time that it is a woman's job to provide a man with children and that it is a sin in the eyes of God not to do so.

Isn't it also a sin to get into other people private business???


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Re: Childfree by choice = unforgiven act ?...

Post  Enigma on Thu 28 Apr 2011, 8:10 am


I would think that has to be a real outdated thinking, or I am just naive.

I would love grandchildren, but I have told my sons and daughter that having children in life are not mandatory. I enjoyed having mine, but I also recognized that it came with sacrifices and life is so much more than just this part of the world and raising a family.

When I grew up, it was ingrained in us that little girls grew up and got married and had babies. The young women that I meet are going to college and none of them are talking about babies. They are all talking about careers and futures. I'm certain that many of them will have a maternal instinct to have children and do so at a later date. But it isn't like the pressures like it used to be. At least not in my world.
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Re: Childfree by choice = unforgiven act ?...

Post  Paradox on Thu 28 Apr 2011, 8:49 am

WHAT?!?! I had no idea that type of arachaic thinking persisted. Wow.
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Re: Childfree by choice = unforgiven act ?...

Post  alli on Thu 28 Apr 2011, 10:10 am

I honestly believe that you should only have children if you are willing to give up a big part of your life to be a good parent. You gain so much from having children but you also give up a lot. If you KNOW that you don't want to do that, then don't have children! I've seen too many people have children and then do nothing to raise them well. My daughter has told me since she was very young that she has no desire to have children. She doesn't like kids and doesn't want the responsibility. I have absolutely no problem with that. My son on the other hand loves kids and definitely wants them but even if he didn't I would not want him having babies if he wasn't committed to raising them well.

It is a personal choice and having babies just to conform to outdated societal ideals is not a good idea. We don't need lots of people to farm and help the family survive anymore. Look how many people are already on the planet. Do we really want people who don't want children having them just so they can say they had babies?

Some of these people really get on my nerves. They are stuck in an archaic mindset where women have no real say in their lives. Idiots.

( I think this struck a nerve LOL)

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Re: Childfree by choice = unforgiven act ?...

Post  Cluelesskitty on Fri 29 Apr 2011, 12:41 am

Apparently it is not outdated thinking.

Apparently women and couples who chose not to have children are often heavily criticized for their choice,
the act of not wanting kids branded as "unforgivable" ???

I too, was very surprised that this kind of thinking not only still can exist nowaday, but people can be judged so harshly!

Alli - I am with you 100%.
I have a child, yet I too, believe the decision must come from the heart
not from the sense of false responsibility.
One HAS to feel "the call" for being a mother, not merely a guilt for being a woman.

Like you, I believe the times when the "working hands" were needed have long passed,
and indeed our planet have more than its feel of us people, so - who are these women, couples hurting?
Indeed, to have born out of "proud tradition" but then leave the children neglected
is a far worse thing to do than not to have any children at all.

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