Keep my nose out or not?

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Keep my nose out or not?

Post  Paradox on Wed 03 Nov 2010, 10:39 pm

I live in a small rural community as does my 30 year old niece. She is a divorced mother of two who insists on posting every aspect of her life on FaceBook. All 400+ of her friends know each time she breaks up with her new live-in boyfriend ( a situation that occurred long before she was divorced...also posted on FB).

I no longer share any personal information with her because I don't want to see it on FB. The immaturity and attention grabbing she shows on FB astounds me. My DIL who is 24 agrees with me, so it's not a age thing.

My niece can't understand why she can't get a teaching job in this town. It's obvious to me, she's been showing her dirty laundry to every one.

My DIL said I should say something to her, that maybe she would listen as she looks up to me. My son says to stay out of it. I'm in a quandary. I have talked to my teenage employees about what is appropriate to post and what isn't. Should I give my niece, who I love dearly the same advice?

Right now I have her blocked, it upsets me read her sabotaging her life.
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Re: Keep my nose out or not?

Post  milo on Thu 04 Nov 2010, 10:23 am

Charlotte, we had a similar thing going on with our two nieces, one who is too old to listen to the advice of well-meaning adults (17) and one who is still impressionable (13).

They just don't seem to understand that everything they post becomes public, even if your privacy settings are very, very tight.

It takes one photo, for someone to simply right-click the mouse and save and the photo is around forever. You can't unring the bell on these types of things.

It astounds me when people knowingly do this (and they do know this if they are in their twenties).

The 13 year old got it good from me the first time she posted "that's so gay" comments, and the second time when she allowed a friend to post something similar on her wall. I told her that I love her but that what she was typing was hurtful and I let her know I was blocking her so I didn't need to see it.

This actually did help her quite a bit.

We have recently had a talk with her about cyber bullying and the effect that it can have on people, even when she thinks what she is typing is fairly innnocent.

Kids are smart, way smarter then we ever were. lol. It just takes one person to have an adult, nose to nose talking with them, rather then a talking to.

If it were my neice and I loved her the way you do, I would tell her. No nagging, no preaching, just talking.
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Re: Keep my nose out or not?

Post  lesherb on Thu 04 Nov 2010, 4:22 pm

If this is your niece, how about discussing this with her parents?

If she is not asking you why she can't get a job, then perhaps you are going to have to wait until she does. Sometimes unasked for advice backfires.

Of course, this is up to you. Only you know if your relationship is close enough for you to advise her without being asked.

Good luck.
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Re: Keep my nose out or not?

Post  Paradox on Thu 04 Nov 2010, 8:15 pm

As she is in her 30's I don't think it would be appropriate to go to her folks. They split up when she was quite young and I feel that her abandonment by her Dad (my hubbies brother) has much to do with her emotional immaturity. We were very close when she was younger, as hubby stepped in to try and fill her absent fathers' shoes.

I'm also FB friends with my 12 year old great niece. It's amazing how similar the 30 year old and 12 year olds posts are!

The 30 year old even goes so far as to write things on her boyfriends wall ( now her ex) like " can't wait til you get home, Stud!". Eeewwwww, TMI. Hello, you're still married!!!

One thing I have found as a supervisor...you can't teach common sense. And I fear this falls in to this realm and I will end up being the " bad guy". Another family member who is very close to my niece said if I do say something she will back me 100%. it's bothering her a great deal also.

Right now she's trying to get the ex back by posting pics of them together, and linking to favorite romantic songs. It's really embarrassing to see her wearing her heart on her sleeve in front of the whole community!

I'm going to have to work closely on my wording, and right now I don't have the energy. But, this woman has many wonderful characteristics and I hate to see her a laughing stock, even if she gets angry at me in the short term.
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Re: Keep my nose out or not?

Post  milo on Thu 04 Nov 2010, 9:24 pm

30????? Wow, but at 30 she may not actually realize just how public her little posts are. I suppose you could play real dumb and ask questions as if it were about you. Lol

I seriously would question her judgement doing this at her age. Hmmmmmm
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Re: Keep my nose out or not?

Post  Topix on Fri 05 Nov 2010, 2:11 am

I wonder why she needs to do it. She probably needs attention and searches for it in the wrong way.
Maybe that's what she needs: sane and genuine attention.
The point is: talking to her directly and try to give her the sane attention she needs or waiting for her to ask for help?
In the first case, you risk to hit against a slammed door.
In the second case, waiting could take too long.

I would take the occasion of her venting for the job to bring her to talk about FB and little by little I'd lead her to understand that she's not doing the right thing.
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