Weddings and Baby Showers....am I a curmudgeon?

Instance #1. My niece got married. Again. Her and her boyfriend had five children between them and lived together for two years. They did the whole shabang....bridal shower (I didn't go, nor did I send a gift, I only sent my regrets). The reason was that the groom had never been married. He lived with a woman for many years and had two children. Then he left her for another woman. He went back to the first woman long enough to conceive child #3. In my mind he already HAD all the benefits of a marriage. He should have gotten married the first time.

They don't have a pot to piss in. As I sat at the wedding and realized that the tuxes for the groom and their kids and her dress and the younger girls dress were close to $2000 I almost had a conniption (in my head). They had a reception for 250 people.

I gave them $20. Sorry but at her first wedding I gave her $100. When she left her husband after 2 kids her mother made the comment "I still haven't paid off the wedding". Oh, and in the two years they were living together? They broke up because he cheated on her. What a surprise.

Instance #2. A good friend was going to be a grandmother for the first time. She excitedly went garage saling to find cute inexpensive clothes only to be informed by her DIL that she didn't want any "used" clothes. Not that I would've given used clothes at the shower, but some how only my regrets made it to that one also. Her attitude bugged me.

The DIL just had her second daughter a year later. They are having ANOTHER huge shower for her! I though you only got one baby shower.

Be honest. Am I just being a crank? I so would have rather seen that wedding money go in to college funds for the kids.

I guess I wasn't the only one who had the attitude about the 2nd baby shower. Only the mom and dad, grandparents, one great grandparent, and two friends of the mother showed up. They were set up for about 30 people.

On the other hand for the people that they were expecting who either RSVP'ed that they were coming and didn't, or never RSVP'ed.....shame on them too.

I wish Lesherb was still on here to be an ole cranky bitty with me.

You are not a curmudgeon, Char, not by a tiny bit.

Instance nr 1.

I too, think, it was very wasteful to blow so much money on a wedding they can not afford,
especially how they hardly can afford their daily expenses
and particularly if the wedding #1 is still not paid off (by somebody else grace, btw !!).

Never mind the moral pov, just from the financial standpoint you just don't do it in such circumstances, period.
And no, it's NOT romantic if you can't afford it, and other people are forced to pay for it.

I could stomach very small, frugal , closest family only wedding in such situation. But not this.

Instance nr 2.

That D-i-L showed the most shocking disrespect for her senior lady, her close relative, displayed horrific lack of manners,
horrific lack of gratitude,
the worst lack of compassion for other people's feelings.

She's just a total azz, period.

If she doesn't like "used" clothes, she can accept them graciously,
then later quietly donate to children charity or take them back to second hand store, the dumbass.

I am so sorry for your friend, Charlotte.


Risa