Marriage may be over

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Marriage may be over

Post  Greeneyes on Tue 20 Sep 2011, 12:10 am

My hubby told me tongiht that he's had enough..tired of me being sick... he's done.

I don't know what to feel..just feeling tears run down my face..please pray for our marriage.

Blessings,
greeneyes I love you

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  marion on Tue 20 Sep 2011, 12:55 am

Goodness me that's not good.

I don't know about your life greeneyes, but hopefully your boys just having a bad day. Just like all of us do and he said something he shouldn't, which we are all guilty of at times.

Dry your eyes and blow your nose, big hugs and lots of empathy from someone whose hubbie isn't quite as understanding as she would like.

Hopefully it won't be as bad as you think.

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Jewishmother on Tue 20 Sep 2011, 7:38 am

I will keep you in my thoughts my friend. I hope that you have someone you can talk this out with in person............is it possible that both of you can see a therapist? The impact of chronic illness can be devastating to not only those of us who are struggling ourselves but to those who love us. I know today must be a very hard day for you........lots of hugs..........(((((((((()))))))))

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Paradox on Tue 20 Sep 2011, 7:04 pm

Greeneyes....if I were you I would feel so defeated and panicked. At our house divorce has never been thrown around lightly. I think I've brought up it up twice in 27 years. Hubby never has. If he said it due to my health, that I can't control, I would be devastated.

But, it's often in the back of my mind....when is he going to get tired of taking one of his six days off a month to take me to the Dr.? Today, it was my back injections. He just had to change the sheets for me because very unexpectedly my IBS kicked in and I soiled myself in bed. What happened to you is something I think many of us fear.

Is there room for negotiation? When you're feeling bad does he stay home too? Can he go out on his own more?

I am so so sorry.

I'm sending you warmest thoughts and hugs.
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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  milo on Tue 20 Sep 2011, 7:08 pm

I'm thinking of you Greeneyes. I think many of us know what those words would feel like to hear as we are so easily in your place. I too hope that he was just having a rough day and that he said something horrifically insensitive.

I also hope you have someone you can confide in. If you don't, I please PM me and I will send you my personal email address.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

You are in my thoughts.
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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Ruth on Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:38 pm

Wendy, I am so shocked to hear this, you always seemed like such a happy family, I thought hubby would have been more understanding.

Praying that your marriage can be saved.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Porsche Fan on Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:39 pm

Wow Greeneyes, I'm really sorry to hear. I'm wishing you the best.

I've had it stamped into my DNA is that you don't leave a loved one down because they are sick. You live with it, and around it.

-mgb
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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Cluelesskitty on Wed 21 Sep 2011, 7:23 pm

Oh dearest, sweetest darling W! I am in utter total disbelief and shock!

I truly truly hope your husband is just temporarily depressed due to feeling helpless with your health situation
and not being able to make you better,
but once the anger passes, he will come to his senses and apologize.

If he does not, then he is simply the biggest je*k in the Universe and you are better off without him!!!

Whatever I can do to support you from here darling Greeneyes, please let me know!!

HUGS, HUGS, HUGS and lots of love darling

Risa

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Ruth on Thu 22 Sep 2011, 7:42 am

How are things Wendy?

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  kimsmom on Thu 22 Sep 2011, 9:17 pm

Greeneyes,

I was very saddened to hear about your husband. I just pray that if was a moment of frustration and things are back to normal now. You have struggled for years and he and your boys always seemed to rally around you.

I know you love him very much and I pray that all goes well and he spoke before he thought. Do let us know how things are going.

You have all of our support.

hugs to you and your boys!

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Cluelesskitty on Fri 23 Sep 2011, 6:43 pm

How are you doing, sweetheart?

Risa

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  30yrsofheadache on Sat 24 Sep 2011, 5:52 am

I am so sorry to hear that. Have you been to counseling? My husband has never been supportive of my illnesses. We have been close to ending our marriage, but worked it out. I think things turned around after I read a book called The 100/0 Principle by Al Ritter. I got it from Simple Truths online. If you guys can hang on for a while, you might want to read it. It is difficult to implement at first, but it did work for us. Especially after I left it out and I suspect my husband read it, too. I will say some prayers for you and your marriage.
Hugs,
Cindy

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Greeneyes on Sun 25 Sep 2011, 10:09 am

Things have been difficult for awhile..basically, ever since I had the acute renal failure a year ago. When I was in the ICU he never called my family to let them know I was lucky to be alive..or bring my boys to see me.

It doesn't seem to help when I keep getting diagnosed with something else..now I have a thyroid problem...started the new med the other day.

I love him, but honesty I'm wondering why at the moment...he's always angry..swearing at me ..calling me names for anything and everything. It's so hard..doesn't help that these are "my children"-quoting him. The stress isn't helping my health. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my sons. Lord thank you for the greatest gift you've ever blessed me with.

Thank you all so much for your friendship, love, support and prayers. The Lord has blessed me again with my "Migraine Angels"..I truly love you all.

Hope you guys are all well..having a good day and your families are well..Love you so very much.
XOXO, greeneyes I love you

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Sara79 on Sun 25 Sep 2011, 4:30 pm

Take care, and let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Cluelesskitty on Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:06 am

Greeneyes, sweetheart, I had no idea.
Then maybe indeed it's time to re-think the whole marriage idea.
I know you are deeply religious and you probably believe once you get married you stay that way, but..
sweetheart. you deserve better. WAY BETTER.
And when the man belittles the children - oh no, this shouldn't happen, EVER.

It's better to be alone and live in respect and no stress than to be abused, I am sorry.

Please, please do not isolate yourself, please stay in touch with us. If we can help any way, please let us know.

hugs
Risa


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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Greeneyes on Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:19 am

Thank you..really don't know what to do..don't know where my sons and I would go from here. I'm embarrased that I've chosen someone like my sons dad minus the drugs..

I love you

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Cluelesskitty on Mon 26 Sep 2011, 3:34 pm

You shouldn't be embarrassed honey.

Nobody shows their true nature in the beginning, or they wouldn't get married to ever, period.

Oh no, these types know how to fool a vulnerable woman - fool her into thinking they are caring and compassionate
then once the woman is "theirs", the true colors start showing.

Only, for the poor woman is often the matter of survival at this point , because she is trapped between the true love for the man
she REMEMBERS from the good times, the man she yearns for from the GOOD TIMES,
and the children she wants to secure the financial and 'paternal' safety for - and the vile man knows it very well,
and he knows when to apologize, when to re-assure the woman he is sorry and convince her that "he will change" -
isn't it true, dear Greeneyes?

And what's a woman to do? convinced further by her "dearest" how she is worth nothing because
"who'd want her - "eternal money sucking sicko with children"?
If that doesn't rob you from your self-esteem, then I don't know what does.
But these are lies, stinking, flat out cowardly LIES, dear, because there ARE decent (and the key word is -decent!-) men out there who would love you just as you are in an eyeblink,
trust me.

But right now the most important thing is - you don't need nobody sweetie.
And you don't need your boys to tell you what to do, please realize it. What's more, YOU need to SHOW them what's to do,
because you are still their MOTHER, and their ROLE MODEL.

Please forgive me for capitalizing so much, but I want you to know how important this is - that you being a mother and a role model
you need to show your boys that as a woman you won't take no crap from no man and at the same time teach your boys
while it is not too late, that no woman should be treated the way you were. (I trust, they didn't get the bad habits anyway
having you for their mommy, but, better safe than sorry. ( forgive me for being such a pessimist)

And you with your boys, without constant tension and negativity, will be much much better off and possibly healthier,
happier, sweetheart, than you ever was in years - I firmly believe so.

Don't be afraid to be yourself, trust your instinct, darling Greeneyes! you are stronger, smarter and braver than you think you are!

Love and hugs

Risa

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Greeneyes on Mon 26 Sep 2011, 3:41 pm

Risa...bless your heart dear friend. I appreciate your honesty and friendship.. I love you I love you

Currently, I'm literally being passed around between 3 doctors..no, she's your patient..I'm getting the run around..so darn tired of this.

So tired of fighting back with health insurance an doctors.

I'm so thankful for good doctors..for them not giving up when it isn't easy. For listening to their patients..

Not happy about doctors that don't listen.

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  milo on Tue 27 Sep 2011, 7:53 pm

Hang in there!
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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Migrainegirl on Tue 27 Sep 2011, 9:15 pm

Greeneyes,

I know it is very stressful right now and it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under you.
But in the long run, this may well prove to be a blessing. If he is that abusive and uncaring, it is a stressor you don't need.

Take big deep breaths and just live each day. There is much good in the world, like your sons and your friends. Stay focused on that, and the disappointment of your marriage will fade over time. You will wonder why you stayed with him as long as you did. Work on getting well and staying well. For you and not for anyone else.
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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  marion on Tue 27 Sep 2011, 10:15 pm

Greeneyes take heart.

Friend with major arthritis (thirty odd ops, lots of pain) had her husband say this to her over a year ago.

She clung in there, and so did he. She thinking she couldn't survive without him, him doing the martyr act - "I have to stay for my sick wife because its the right thing to do..." utter rubbish.

She was so upset this past year knowing he wanted to go and for her friends became very hard to be with - she was soooooo angry that she gave him the best years and when the poop hit the fan, he wanted to run.

Anyway, its over. He is doing the right thing and making sure she is on pensions etc before he goes, but he is going.

She is so much more relaxed. I have no doubt she can't see this herself yet, but for her friends she is getting back to who she used to be. This is after only a week knowing that is final.

So do take heart, short term hard, but long term you'll be much happier.

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Re: Marriage may be over

Post  Paradox on Wed 28 Sep 2011, 9:29 am

It's a very individual matter, but swearing at you and calling you names? Especially if there's children around? Whoa, he can't do that.

I know you don't have the energy to confront this, but you have to look and analzye if this man respects you.

And I know when things are bad we don't mention the good things about our spouses, only the bad. I have a vow with my good friend, when she hates her husband, I hate him. When she likes him, I like him.

But, it sounds to me like counseling would be in order for him to learn how to "fight fair". No one deserves to be called names. No one. That's a bully.
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