I'm getting married!!!

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I'm getting married!!!

Post  VickiG on Mon 23 Jul 2012, 3:25 am

Hi Friends!

I haven't been very active here, but I do pop in from time to time, and many of you do still remember me, so I wanted to tell you that I have finally found the man of my dreams and am getting married May 18! His name is Jose, and he is from El Salvador (you don't think I'd ever marry a native-born American, do you? Lol!). He is a plumber who is putting himself through Bible school to get a B.A. in theology, which he is half-way through. He came here to seek asylum over 20 years ago and has really made something of himself, learning to be an excellent plumber and handyman, going to school to learn English, going to night school to get a high school diploma (graduating top of his class), and now going to college!

He treats me really well and also treats me with full respect and equality. And he hasn't given me any trouble about the fact that I can't handle having children unless I get much better, which, since I'm 35, will have to happen very soon!

The one thing that is upsetting is that the U.S. government will allow him to stay in the country only I'd he continues to qualify for asylum even now. Even though I'll be his wife, I won't be allowed to sponsor him for a visa, and nothing else can either. So that means that, in effect, I could be deported from my own country! I actually trace my heritage back to the Pilgrims and earliest settlers of New Netherlands (New York) and qualify to join Daughters of the American Revolution. Yet with all that heritage, I could be forced to choose between my country and my then-husband. The answer is my husband. If my country doesn't want a man who has proven to be the ideal immigrant, then I will stick by his side, though I'll do what u can
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  VickiG on Mon 23 Jul 2012, 3:26 am

. . . Do what I can to fight for him to be able to stay.
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  Cluelesskitty on Mon 23 Jul 2012, 5:19 pm

Congratulations, Vicky !!!
and, boy, how am I happy for you, that finally you do found the man of your dreams! Smile

From your enthusiastic words Jose that sounds like a serious, ambitious man, not somebody looking for a free ride.
I hope the immigration will come thru for Jose, certainly for you two, and things will be sorted out.
I don't understand why things are so complicated, would that help if you hired a lawyer?

But let's not worry about it right now, now let's be happy about you getting married!
have you two decided on a date yet, and where it will be ?
Crikey, I am so excited , yay !!!

Risa

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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  777Trinity on Mon 23 Jul 2012, 7:44 pm

VickiG wrote:Hi Friends!

I haven't been very active here, but I do pop in from time to time, and many of you do still remember me, so I wanted to tell you that I have finally found the man of my dreams and am getting married May 18! His name is Jose, and he is from El Salvador (you don't think I'd ever marry a native-born American, do you? Lol!). He is a plumber who is putting himself through Bible school to get a B.A. in theology, which he is half-way through. He came here to seek asylum over 20 years ago and has really made something of himself, learning to be an excellent plumber and handyman, going to school to learn English, going to night school to get a high school diploma (graduating top of his class), and now going to college!

He treats me really well and also treats me with full respect and equality. And he hasn't given me any trouble about the fact that I can't handle having children unless I get much better, which, since I'm 35, will have to happen very soon!

The one thing that is upsetting is that the U.S. government will allow him to stay in the country only I'd he continues to qualify for asylum even now. Even though I'll be his wife, I won't be allowed to sponsor him for a visa, and nothing else can either. So that means that, in effect, I could be deported from my own country! I actually trace my heritage back to the Pilgrims and earliest settlers of New Netherlands (New York) and qualify to join Daughters of the American Revolution. Yet with all that heritage, I could be forced to choose between my country and my then-husband. The answer is my husband. If my country doesn't want a man who has proven to be the ideal immigrant, then I will stick by his side, though I'll do what u can

VickiG

I wish you the very best! Watch out for additional stressors with marriage, they will trigger more migraines. I got married in 2005 and within 6 weeks my migraines tripled in frequency. I am still married and the migraines continue at that same pace.

The stressors of trying to meet the needs of someone else, getting out of a structured routine and the introduction of television into my world has been challenging at best.

Make sure Jose understands that your needs are non-negotiable........

I wish I had done that myself...too late now.
Trinity
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  marion on Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:04 pm

Vicky how wonderful!

I haven't been here for a while either but had to reply when I saw your post.

May you both be very happy together. I'm sure he is a lovely man and you are very deserving of him - even if you had to wait awhile and were so worried you wouldn't ever find him. See all good things come to those who wait.

You will make a beautiful bride I know.
Marion

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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  30yrsofheadache on Tue 24 Jul 2012, 4:35 am

Vicki, Congratulations! cheers Even though you had doubts, I knew some wonderful man would come along for you. My daughter is getting married 2 weeks after you. What a great month that will be. I hope all the immigration problems sort themselves out!
Hugs,
Cindy

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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  VickiG on Tue 24 Jul 2012, 5:09 am

Thanks for all the good wishes! I'll post a picture once I can upload some to Photobucket. Yes, Jose does have a lawyer. In fact, his last 2 deferrals were because he didn't have one. The first was done amid a group who didn't have lawyers, but with the 2nd, he asked to represent himself, not believing he stood a chance of staying here so not wanting to spend the several thousand dollars. But the judge begged him personally to take a 2-year deferral and get a lawyer. So his "American mom"worked hard to find the most qualified lawyers and found a pair that work solely on asylum claims, and one is married to a Salvadorian, so he or she has unique insight into Jose's case. Joan, Jose's "American mom,"thinks that the judge really wants to let him stay here but has to have some excuse to grant the petition.

I'm hoping that since in some cases, married couples count as one unit, we will for the purposes of the hearing and can thus argue that it would be dangerous for my health if I were sent away. My brother, whom some of you may remember as having caused me tremendous grief over accusing me of faking my migraines, has actually been doing research into what it would take for us to be able to move to Brazil and stay with them until we are on our feet! He has changed a lot, thank God!

As for the wedding itself, I'm trying to do as much as I can already, so when it gets closer to the date, I can relax. We are hiring 2 women from my church who act as wedding coordinators to help us with all the details. I already have my dress and have picked out a bridesmaid dress, though since Jose's sisters are in their 50s, they may not feel as comfortable. So the woman from the wedding site suggested letting them pick out a dress they feel better in but with the same fabric (chiffon, like my wedding dress) and color (I'm waiting for color swatches to determine that!). Hopefully that will work out, since I've got a huge age gap in my bridesmaids.

The one thing I'm concerned about is that Latin Americans always have a feast for every occasion, and I don't have the stamina for that. We plan a cake reception with hors d'ourves in a hall in my church, but no meal. But I understand that they are already planning all the cooking they want to do.

I will hopefully meet with them, along with my mom and "Mexican sister," who not only just wants to be involved in everything but can help translate, as their English isn't as good as Jose's is. But also, I want them to see that I recognize that I'm marrying into the family and not just their brother. So I want to show respect to their culture but also show them how multicultural I am (the wedding party list in and of itself should demonstrate that!). So I hope that meeting Heidi will help with any nerves they may have in my joining the family, especially since if I were healthy, I'd be a college English teacher to international students. So they may get afraid to talk in English with me, as sometimes happens when people get afraid I will criticize their English, which I never would do! when
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  VickiG on Tue 24 Jul 2012, 5:32 am

Does anyone else, when writing from your phone, find that you sometimes can't get forms like this one to let you go to the bottom line? I always end up posting mid-sentence and continuing in a new post! I hate that!

Anyway, I just hope that when I explain my reasons why I don't want a dinner and why any music will be extremely calm and quiet (with the exception of the wedding march and recessional of course! My aunt is a fantastic musician, so she will be playing the piano for the wedding, since my church stupidly got rid of the organ to make more space on the stage!), I hope they will be understanding and encourage the other 80 relatives who are here in Southern California to understand too. We can still serve pupusas, which would be a nice way to incorporate Salvadorian culture into the reception, but we will probably cut them up into small sections to go as hors d'ouvres.

This leads me to a question that perhaps my good multicultural friends here might be able to help me figure out. I want, as much as possible, to do things to recognize Jose's native culture in the wedding and reception. My brother suggested getting small flags of both countries to use as centerpieces on the tables. I like that touch, and then Joan, Jose's "American mom," added to that idea by suggesting getting a set of rings, perhaps napkin rings or something, to use to connect the 2 flags, symbolizing the marriage between the 2 cultures. I also really like a touch that my brother and his wife, who is Brazilian (they live in Brazil, and when Andrew first met her, she didn't know any English at all! They just celebrated their 5th anniversary on Sunday and are very happy together and have made no secret of just how much fun they have been having while trying to get pregnant! But sweetly, if they don't get pregnant in another month, they will use some temporary form of birth control, like condoms instead of the pill, which Marina was taking before, in order for her to be able to travel so as not to miss my wedding! I think that is especially sweet when you learn that I had to miss their wedding because I had nsf complications from my surgery for the occipital nerve stimulator that I did as part of a clinical trial with the Mayo Clinic. I had to have revision surgery because they didn't place the leads in the right place to be effective (which it never was in the end after all!), so they had to move them. But this time, sometheytime,something something happened to the spot in my back/shoulder where they sliced me open
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  VickiG on Tue 24 Jul 2012, 6:09 am

Sorry! The phone did it again in not letting me get to my last line! It just occurred to me to consider trying in the future to copy the whole posting and paste it into a new screen. Since I hardly ever use my computer any more, but rely almost exclusively on my phone, this is a real problem!

What I was going to say is that the incision in my upper back/lower shoulder caused me so much agony that I couldn't sit up for even a few minutes. So a long flight to Brazil, on top of having to stand 2 hours during the ceremony was just too much for me, and it gave me an out that clearly showed I couldn't go. My doctors had been trying to get me to stay home because they didn't think I could handle it, but how do I explain missing my own brother's wedding? However, not being able even to sit was such a clear signal that I was not capable of making it, so there weren't such hurt feelings. The wedding was so long partly because everything was translated from Portuguese to English or the reverse, depending upon who was talking. But that reminds me of an amazing skill Jose has. When he lived in Coursegold, a small town just at the base of Yosemite, he went every Friday night to volunteer at the homeless shelter nearby, and sometimes he would preach or just tell his story about his own experiences being homeless and living in caves in the jungle when he was a kid and the family was displaced by the guerrillas, who took over their village as the enemy headquarters. But when Jose did speak, he translated for himself! That's almost never done because it's so difficult!

So I think I mentioned putting the little flags as centerpieces for the tables, using some kind of rings to connect them. But another touch that Andrew and Marina did was have two full-size flags, one of America and the other of Brazil, hanging in the spot where they were introduced to everyone as Mr. and Mrs. Gewe at the reception. But what they didn't even plan but turned out to be a really neat touch is that Andrew stood beneath the Brazilian flag, while Marina stood beneath the American! It was a neat touch, showing that they were embracing each other's culture.

So now I'm trying to think of other ways to honor the fact that this is a multicultural marriage. I'm hoping Jose's sisters can help with that. I want to find a Bible passage to have read. I don't really want to do I Corinthians 13 (Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. Etc.). Everyone uses that passage for their wedding, and I think it has sort of lost its power because everyone sees it as the same old thing. I'm thinking of maybe trying to find something from the Song of Solomon, which is a love dialog between 2 married people. Of course Solomon was a rather sick man who makes Tiger Woods seem the model of chastity, with the hundreds of wives and concubines. I bet a lot of them fdied virgins too, since I can't see how he could have had time or energy for all of them! But it might have something of interest for a wedding. (Trivia fact: Did you know that some branches of Judaism forbid their young people to read that book until they are married because it is considered too erotic?)

Anyway, my idea is to have a friend read in English and then one of Jose's sisters read the same passage in Spanish. I then joked that Marina (my SIL) could read in Portuguese, my Taiwanese sister read in Taiwanese, my Chinese student who will do the guest book in Mandarin, my other student doing the guest book in Armenian, my Mongolian sister in Mongolian and even perhaps Russian, and my final bridesmaid, my last roommate before I moved in again with my parents and one of my very best friends, in Hebrew. What a truly multicultural bunch!

And I left out the couple I hope to ask to perform the service. I have decided that I really like the idea of a married couple doing the wedding, as I like the symbolism of a married couple commissioning a new marriage. The couple I want are my 5th grade teacher and her husband. She was a great, extremely caring teacher whom we all adored. Then, right after school got out, they moved to Turkey for several years to work with Iranian refugees there. Then, when the U.S.S.R. broke up, they moved to Tajikistan, where they were missionaries and where her husband was a professor in the country's main university universitu👅 ty. They have left the mission field, mainly, I believe, because one of their younger 2 sons couldn't handle the transition to America when he moved here to go to college. My family has stayed close to hers, and we always saw them when they came to visit the U.S. And one other thing that is neat us that tongue tongue
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  VickiG on Tue 24 Jul 2012, 6:29 am

It did it again, and my idea of cutting and pasting didn't work either! Bleh! At least I'm racking up my number of postings! Lol! What I was going to say is that Mrs. Taylor is Latina, while her husband is white, so that also makes them appropriate.

I know I'm going on forever about all my wedding plans. I'd love any ideas that any of you have about how to make the ceremony more special and memorable. One thing we've taken from the Brazilian tradition is that Jose and I will each ask 2 couples who have been married a while to offer a blessing, brief word of advice, or prayer. He will have his American parents, who are amazing people and ones I have to thank for keeping him here in the U.S. and helping him become the man he is. His other couple are close friends who have been married 40 years. I will ask a couple from my church, who go by the names of Red and Doogie instead of Robert and Leonora, who have been married 51 years and who have known me since I was small. They are very involved in our Kenya ministry, so I grew close to them there, and now they are the best volunteers in my international student ministry. At first Red wouldn't come on our regular Friday night dinners because he was too tired after work, but after coming to a few Saturday events, he got so hooked and connected with our students that he hasn't missed an event in over a year! But they also have gotten to know Jose well too, so they seem like a great choice. And for the final couple, I plan to ask my cousin and her husband, who will celebrate 10 years this September. Their older daughter (who is 13 and not biologically related to her father, but he adopted her and is a terrific dad to her) will be a candle lighter (along with the 13-year-old daughter of my Mexican sister), and the younger girl and boy will be flower girl and ring bearer. For Maya, the flower girl, I am going to offer her a choice of 3 or 4 dresses and let her decide which will make her feel most like a princess!

The final thing I am hoping we can pull off involves my international student group. There is an amazingly beautiful song by Sandy Patty called "Love in Any Language," which I think is especially appropriate for me, and I hope that I can get the group to sing the chorus, if my aunt can succeed in getting decent music from them. I can get a soloist elsewhere, but I think it would be so appropriate to have them sing that song.

A question for people: If we can't pull that off, can you think of some other way I can involve my students in the wedding? It would mean a lot to me, but I think even more to them. If you have any ideas, please let me know!

And now I'll end this incredibly long post!
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  Cluelesskitty on Wed 25 Jul 2012, 5:57 pm

Vicky, I think the plans for the wedding sound great!
I love the idea of two flags, and the all sorts of food, the multicultural decorations - it's so clever!!

My advice would be above all, try and keep it simple.
Just read the passages in English and Spanish, because any more and as lovely as it sounds, it will go on forever and people will get tired,
not to mention - bored and hungry, lolol.

I think it is perfectly acceptable after the most important ceremonies has ended and dinner eaten, the first dance performed Smile


for the newlyweds to exit for their honeymoon.
The guests can still have all the great fun at the wedding by themselves, there will be your parents, your siblings, bridesmaids, etc
so it's not like they will be left all alone,
of course you'd have to designate someone who is going to be responsible
for the everything once you guys leave.

Yay, I am getting more and more excited every minute !!



Risa

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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  milo on Wed 25 Jul 2012, 6:37 pm

You can always read a single passage with the language changing each sentence. Yes, there will be some who don't understand parts but that is ok. Smile

I'm going to have tout some thought into things here....I'm so excited about your plans to combine traditions. Smile
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  Cluelesskitty on Wed 25 Jul 2012, 8:37 pm

Vicky, I don't know if you thought of this already as sometimes the simplest idea doesn't occur until the last minute -
but have you searched the 'net yet?

I just thought of this, and here's what I found
http://mixedandhappy.com/2011/07/09/wedding-nouveau-a-magazine-for-mixed-and-happy-brides/
Interracial wedding toppers
http://www.weddingcollectibles.com/Interracial_Wedding_Cake_Toppers.html

maybe you'll find it useful?

I have this idea- what if you guys do it in opposite- the groom will be dressed in typical American wedding attire, and you in Salvadorian?
and switch for reception? or vice versa, whatever?

Risa

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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  VickiG on Thu 26 Jul 2012, 3:25 am

I was just joking about the many different languages! We'll just use English and Spanish. I just have to figure out what Bible passage I want to use, since the I Corinthians 13 passage (Love is patient. Love is kind, etc.) is so overused that I feel that people don't really even think about what it means anymore. That happens when you repeat the same message over too many times!

I already have my wedding dress. What is funny is that in some respects, it is totally opposite to what I intended. For one thing, I did NOT want a strapless dress! But when I tried this one on, it just was perfect! I would like to be able to post a picture of me in that dress, but apparently, Photobucket is posting my pictures on Facebook, and I certainly don't want to post a picture of me in my wedding dress there before the ceremony! I won't be making Jose wait until I walk down the aisle to see me, as I want to do photos before the wedding. For one thing, I don't want to make the guests wait too long before we can get to the reception. But for another thing, my mom told me that the reason she did pictures beforehand was that her brother did not, and his sister-in-law looked so tired in all the pictures that it made my mom want to do the pictures first, so she'd look fresh for them!

But he won't be seeing the dress before the day and before I'm fully dressed and prepared!

I will be meeting with Jose's sisters on Saturday, so hopefully they will be able to tell me more about Salvadorian wedding traditions and give me ideas how to incorporate both cultures into the wedding.

Someone commented that we could just leave after the meal, cake, and first dance, and let everyone else stay at the reception afterwards, but that isn't very practical for our situation. You see, my church doesn't generally accommodate a full meal. It's fine to have hors d'ouvres, as we are planning to do (and I'm hoping we can get the sisters to cut the pupusas in smaller pieces to fit with the hors d'ouvres idea), and cake, but there really isn't facilities to put on a full meal at the church. So that means that if you want to do a full meal, you have to go somewhere else. That is one reason why I don't want to have a meal. If you go somewhere else, you have to stick around for long enough to justify renting the place. And I don't even want to take the time for the meal in the first place!

So we will just have hors d'ouvres out on long tables in the back of the hall, in which we will also have round tables on which we can put the two flags as centerpieces. The church doesn't allow alcohol to be served on its premises, but I am happy with that because I have been to too many weddings where guests got drunk and caused a disturbance, only to ruin the moment! And neither Jose's nor my family drinks, so the families won't be offended at the lack of alcohol, fortunately. We can use sparkling cider for toasts.

Another nice thing Jose and I have in common is that we both do NOT like chocolate, so we don't have to deal with a chocolate cake. In Glendale, which is right next to Los Angeles, this is one of the couple main cities where the Armenians have settled (the other being Fresno, in Central California), and they have the most exquisite cakes in their bakeries! I have often gone to an Armenian bakery for baklava (got to have some of that in the hors d'ouvres!), only to stare at the gorgeous cakes they have on display. So I shouldn't have much trouble locating a bakery with great cakes.

I'll check out those links later when I can, Risa. Thanks!
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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  Cluelesskitty on Fri 27 Jul 2012, 3:38 pm

What a coincidence, I am not a fan of chocolate cakes, either! my favorites are fresh fruity cakes like mango cake or lemon,
or just fresh fruit assortment - whatever's available in the season, and absolutely a real whipping cream, no substitutes!

LOTS and LOTS of whipped cream, lolol

I also like German or Italian type torte like Mocha or Grand Marnier, or Pecan or Walnut or Hazelnut,
but these have to be done in light fluffy manner as well. oh, and Schmoo torte - mmmmmmmm heaven...

The best Shmoo I ever ate was in Winnipeg bakery:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6C5wUwQeEVQ/Tf4z6oVBcRI/AAAAAAAAB4c/GKPmBt-Xey8/s1600/IMG_7516.JPG

did I mention how I LOVE the whipping cream ??? lololol

Risa

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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  30yrsofheadache on Fri 27 Jul 2012, 7:22 pm

Shmoo? Is that a real thing? It looks really good whatever it is!
Cindy

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Re: I'm getting married!!!

Post  Greeneyes on Sat 28 Jul 2012, 7:01 am

Congratulations Vicky I love you

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