Catching up

Hi Friends!

I'm sorry I've been away so much. Life has been really hectic, as I'm working in my wedding (May 18), trying to lead the international student group where Americans (or non-Americans who have lived here longer than the students) provide dinner twice a month for any students (mostly from Cal State LA) to come to an American home and then participate in discussion groups fun topics to practice spreading with Americans in a non-threatening setting, and fighting my continually crazy migraines.

Actually, I'm already married to Jose legally, but we'll have the main church ceremony in May. He applied for political asylum here over 20 years ago when he first escaped the war in El Salvador (many friends and family were brutally murdered or were "disappeared"), but while his sisters got their visa immediately, the government dragged their feet on Jose's, losing his file several times and then just being really slow. So because he is going through deportation hearings, I can't sponsor him fo a green card despite being his wife. He's allowed to be here legally until the government decides whether to send him back, which his attorney is certain won't happen, but he could end up in indefinite stay the rest of his life, having to pay several hundred dollars for a work permit every year and not allowed to leave the country if he wants back in. Fortunately, his attorney just told him that Obama has changed some of the regulations, so our marriage will help him. So we got married legally sooner, so we could get our lives integrated fully ASAP to demonstrate this is a real marriage and not for visa purposes.

My head continues to be a big problem, and it seems harder and harder to survive with only 4-6 doses of percocet a week, but not only is my doctor under pressure not to over prescribe, but she doesn't think it wise to give me more. But I've tried everything come up with by her and anyone she has been able to send me to for a consult, including Dr. Social, president of the American Migraine Association, from the Phoenix Mayo Clinic and "God," spelled with a Z, in Burbank. So far, no good!

I have found a way to add to my c.v. (an academic resume) recently. ISI, International Students, Inc., the parent organization that supports my group of students, is trying to put together a book of short essays by people who are involved with ISI. I've had 3 accepted! Later, when I'm on my computer and not my phone, I'll post one of them, about how ISI gave me a purpose in life when I thought I was useless due to my migraines.

The last piece of news in my life is that my sister-in-law just gave birth to a baby boy, my parents' first grandchild. They are thrilled and are in Brazil now with my brother and his wife.

But this has brought up feelings I thought I'd dealt with long ago, knowing that unless a miracle happens in the next couple years, I won't be able to have my own children for several reasons. I couldn't handle going off the meds for my many health conditions, which I'd need to do to carry a baby and breast-feed. I also would never be able to care for a child, whether a baby or an older child or a teenager, in the way that I feel I would need to in order to be a responsible mother. Finally, I don't want to pass on these genes to a new generation!

I thought I'd come to terms with that, but it has been hard the last couple weeks, as I see how excited my brother and his wife are, not to mention my own parents. But also, I've seen my brother develop a new and special bond with my parents now that he is a father himself, and it makes me sad that I will never know these things. I always wanted kids growing up, and I also feel bad that Jose is so great with kids, who just flock to him, but he will never get to be a father.

His response is that he loves me, chose to marry me knowing not to plan on kids, and wants life with me however is best for me. He's such a real keeper! But it doesn't stop me from feeling bad.

Anyway, this is all (PLENTY!) in my life now. I've missed the support of everyone, so I'll try to come back more often when I can, but I don't get on my computer nearly as much lately as I used to. I hope you all are doing better!

Hi, Vicki. So nice to see you post again. I was just wondering what happened with you and your fiance. My daughter is getting married in May, too, and it made me think of you. I hope you enjoy your wedding and you are painfree that day! So sorry about the baby thing.

Maybe you could adopt later? Sounds like Jose would be willing to help out with parenting. Dont give up on it if its important to you. My sister thought she would never have children and now she is a relationship with a man with 4 young boys. So, you never know....
Hugs,
Cindy