So Tired of Living

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So Tired of Living

Post  7777Trinity on Sat 09 Nov 2013, 5:15 pm

I am so tired of my life, of the constant suffering and pain. I am tired of beautiful days outdoors that I cannot enjoy. I am tired of medications and drugs to kill the Migraine Monster that don't last. I am tired that medical research has put migraine on the "wait" list.

I am tired of living period. I am tired of feeling sick and being cranky. I am tired of not being dependable or someone anyone can count on anymore. I am tired of the fact that somewhere in the last 8 years I have lost myself, lost joy, lost happiness and the ability to smile.

I am so done and I have finally given up.
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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  milo on Sat 09 Nov 2013, 8:28 pm

I feel your pain Trin. I hope this sorm passes soon! (((((((Hugs))))))))
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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  30yrsofheadache on Mon 11 Nov 2013, 5:54 am

Trinity, I have been there so many times in the 40 plus years of having migraines! I find that when I am at this point, things start to turn around a bit. I hope that you can find something to hold onto until the monster loosens its grip on you. For me, it is usually my daughters. There are so many treatments just around the corner.

My Dr. just got an amazing system of some kind of electric current, drops that you drink and a scanner type thing I cant explain it very well, but it seems to be helping my neck pain. I had a knot in my neck for over a year that was gone after the first treatment. I never thought that was possible. Please hang in there, we care about you!
Hugs,
Cindy

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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  sconesail on Mon 11 Nov 2013, 9:39 am

Hi,

I completely understand where you are coming from. I know I have felt that way from time to time. Please know that everyone here is rooting for you and cares about you!

You sound like you are in a great deal of pain. I am sure you have probably already thought of this- but have you considered pain management. It sounds like some of the long acting pain meds might help you. Is there anyway you could talk to your PCP and see if you can get in with a pain specialist. I can tell you that pain management has helped me. It is worth a shot.

Several years ago, my neurologist and I decided that preventatives weren't working well, and I was having to go to the ER way too often. So we decided to focus on the symptoms and treat the pain with long acting pain meds. So it might be worth a shot.

I almost hate to suggest this, but have you considered the ER? I know that ERs are never pleasant, but it is possible that your doctor could admit you and try some things to break the headache and start you on pain meds while in the hospital.

Trinity, please hang in there and let us know how things go.

Pain free days,
sconesail

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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  7777Trinity on Tue 12 Nov 2013, 8:14 am

Thanks folks. I went to Pain Management on October 9th and was given Percocet 10-325 bid. Next appointment is December 4th. He does not want to keep me on this medication long term. I don't want to either, it is on my allergy list and causes horrible itching and constipation. He refused to change it to Tylox, which I can tolerate. The Pain Management doctors in this area of KY are worried about substance abuse. Meth is the new "moonshine" in KY, about half the population are addicts...ugh. I moved here 8 years ago when I married my Pastor husband, while this place is a huge mission field, it is backwards, uneducated and slothful.

The doctor in Boston isn't taking consultations appointments until after the first of the year. So I wait.

Sorry for the vent, I just about lost it. I appreciate that you guys are here, no one understands this unless they actually live it.
Trinity
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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  30yrsofheadache on Wed 13 Nov 2013, 6:29 am

Trinity, I'm glad you are hanging in there! I think Tylox and Percocet are the same mess. Maybe the Percocet is too strong? I use 5/325 and it works well for me. I get itchy at larger doses, too. I was told this isnt really an allergy, just a side-effect. What about hydrocodone? Sometimes people can tolerate one, but not the other.
Hugs,
Cindy

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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  7777Trinity on Wed 13 Nov 2013, 2:05 pm

Oh God, today the worst migraine of my life. It felt like someone took a 1 inch in diameter spike and drove it through the top of my skull into my brain. I was throwing up and literally thought I was dying. I don't know what that was. Has anyone ever had that?

It was about 2 hours after the migraine monster had already begun its attack that this happened. I had already taken Relpax and Stadol. The was a different monster in with the migraine today. My hands are still trembling, my whole body.

Trinity
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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  30yrsofheadache on Wed 13 Nov 2013, 5:29 pm

Trinity, I am sorry for your pain. Not sure if I have had exactly that pain, but it sounds familiar. They do say if you are having head pain that is new, you should call your Dr. I'm sure that is not what you want to hear:x . Sending you healing thoughts.
hugs,
Cindy

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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  Porsche Fan on Sat 16 Nov 2013, 2:57 am

Trinity,

I understand you're going through a rough time.  Your pain has not gone unnoticed.  However, what makes you pain so special?  It's you're pain and  you're trying work around it.  All of us struggle in our own way.  You're asking to be removed from the world due to your headpain.  Well, I can understand this, and I think all can.

You're surviving.  You're being challenged.  However you are surviving.  Checking in here, and glad to see no real consequence have come from your heart pauses.  You seem to have access to care outside of your immediate area, hopefully you can find some help.

I understand the outcry regarding your pain.  However keep searching for those providers, despite your locale that can help you with you pain.

Life throws us curveballs.  Surely, I  think you want to find some help but it's tough finding it.

It's seems clear you want help.  You're not ready to check out.  Good luck and best wishes.
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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  7777Trinity on Sat 16 Nov 2013, 7:33 pm

Hey PF
Thanks for checking in. I never saw anyone about my heart yet and probably won't. Medical bills are stifling and somehow I need to just keep looking for a plan that will help more without putting us into bankruptcy.

Still waiting for an appointment with the Doctor in Boston, hoping to get in by January.

PF I am not going to kill myself, I am just so weary of this life and have felt like giving up on trying to find help with the migraine monster.

But, I have had 2 days in a row without pain ...that has been awesome Smile

Trinity
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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  Porsche Fan on Sat 16 Nov 2013, 11:56 pm

Understand Trinity. I'm sorry to hear about your rough time. Wish you could get the heart thing straightened out. Once these problems start rolling down the mountain, it's a giant snowball.

Life gets pretty tough at times. I haven't been on much at all, but check in. My migraines are increasing as of late. My heart developed some new problems that was diagnosed in July. When my heart gets worse, so do my migraines.

Wishing you the best.

PF.
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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  7777Trinity on Mon 18 Nov 2013, 5:46 pm

Thanks PF
Hang in there, I am sorry to hear about increasing heart issues and the increase in migraines. Wish I had an answer for our illnesses that would fix them, but I just don't, at least not during this lifetime.

Trinity
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New Hope?

Post  KimbaK on Mon 18 Nov 2013, 8:24 pm

Hey Trinity,

I'm sorry things are so tough right now. I've been away for a while. My daughter fell and broke her left humerus the day before Halloween and since she is down to one hand I've been pulling up pants, tying shoes, brushing teeth, etc. My poor baby is really not liking being so dependent on anyone.

Anyway, I'm going to post a new thread about my neurologist apt. I think this one may be able to help me. I have to have a surgery, but if it works I will be better off.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I truly do understand what it is to just lose what little hope we have. Especially when we don't have enough hope to really hang on to life. Its just too much sometimes. Please hang on, you are loved and valued and the world is a better place with you in it. Pain steals so much from us, its just brutal.

Love,
Kim

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Re: So Tired of Living

Post  7777Trinity on Tue 19 Nov 2013, 2:33 pm

Kim
I posted on your other post! I am in the process of getting my consultation appointment with the surgeon for Nerve Decompression Surgery too!!!

If I can just hang in there and also be accepted as a candidate for the procedure!!

Trinity
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